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Women learning of a partner's porn use and/or infidelity online describe a wide range of feelings and responses.  Use the list below to identify which reactions have affected you.  Circle the appropriate number to rate the intensity of each reaction.

          0-None   1-Mild    2-Occasional    3-Moderate   4-Strong   5-Overwhelming 

 0  1  2  3  4  5     Intense feelings of fear
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feelings of helplessness
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Concern about contracting a sexually transmitted disease
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Inability to look at your spouse without being reminded of his sexual behavior
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Disturbing dreams about your partner's sexual behavior
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Worrying that your partner thinks about other experiences and images when you are together
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Tendency to be suspicious and accusing
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Flashbacks in which you relive the worst parts of the experience
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Being reminded of your partner's behavior by entertainment and news media stories
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Have a hard time being in public places with your partner
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Physical symptoms, (eg.headache, nausea) when you see things reminding you of the behavior
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Spending a lot of energy trying to avoid thoughts about the behavior
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Trying to act like everything is fine in your relationship when you're around others
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Behaviors to distract you from thinking about it (excessive sleep, reading, media, eating, etc.)
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Holding back from people who used to be close to you
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Avoiding sexual contact with your partner
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Getting distracted easily
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Having a hard time participating in things you used to enjoy
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Having difficulty performing important roles (such as employee or parent)
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feeling like you are different from everyone else
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feeling like you don't belong anymore, when you are in social settings
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feeling ashamed and embarrassed when you are in public
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Using a lot of energy pretending to feel things you think you should
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Having difficulty falling asleep
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Becoming increasingly angry in response to your partner
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Being more critical in conversations with your partner
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feeling more emotionally on edge than you used to
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Find it hard to focus on what is going on around you
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Feeling the need to monitor your partner's behavior
 0  1  2  3  4  5  Constantly trying to read your partner's emotions

 

Adapted from "Love You, Hate the Porn," Chamberlain and Steurer, pp. 57-59, and the work of Drs. Kevin Skinner and Shondell Knowlton (www.growthclimate.com)

 

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